04/04/14

Q102: Would our family be better if I was not here?

Q102: Would our family be better if I was not here?

And a similar one: Life would be better if I was not here.

A Grandma I know told me of this boy’s remarks and that he felt that he was invisible at home (not noticed and ignored) while Mum and Dad argued too much and later divorced.

This boy was the ’meat-in-the-sandwich’ while his Mum and Dad fought and had eventually separated. NOT his fault at all but he felt it would help if he was ’gone’ – maybe living on the street and living ‘rough’ at night – or maybe dead.

Please know this that I have never heard of a child’s failure at school, in sports, in music  etc. –  really anything has caused the parents to divorce. It is always something else – but the child can easily think that they are the problem when they are not.

Kids often think that they are the problem that causes Mum and Dad to argue. Like: ’I am not good enough at sports, or school’. Kids are not the problem, Mum and Dad are, but kids still worry a lot that they might be. No child asks or demands to be brought into this world. The parents bring them in within a marriage and the child is much loved, but somehow things go wrong in this crazy mixed up world and as there is no training as to how to be a good Mum or Dad, personal problems just get bigger and good advice and help is not sought.

A personal thought: Advertising is about the biggest evil in our society. ’What?’ Think about this: We are all urged on TV, radio, and in hundreds of newspapers and magazines and billboards, etc., to ’be happy’ and buy this or buy that and ’turn every head’ by buying this car or that one…and ’have the greenest lawn in the street’. So to ’be happy’ we borrow money to buy ’stuff’ that we really can do without. Others do not really care but we must pay back that money we borrowed to ’be happy’. It can be quite hard repaying borrowed money. Borrowing money to buy ‘Stuff’ can lead to many parents fighting and arguing and this confuses the child. 

Finally, here in my town, Perth we have phone help, like Kids Helpline at 1800 551 800 – or www.kidshelp.com.au  and Lifeline is 13 11 14 and www.lifeline.org.au. Chaplains can help too (they are on the streets sometimes too) – do not be afraid to ask for help.

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The Answerer

The Answerer - Peter Harris, answered children's questions from his many years of teaching "Scripture" classes.
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